Goodbye

I never thought that I could do it. I never thought that I would be able to fly to the other side of the world, my first time ever leaving America, all by myself, and be able to teach these kids. I never thought that I could actually enjoy my work this much, and I never thought that I would be able to love as much as I love the kids of Rising Star. You know, service really is the key. There is only one way to fully love something or someone, and that one way is to serve them.

Leaving Rising Star is so much harder than I ever expected. For the past week or so, I have had the nervous excitement that a vacation usually brings. BUT, I'm not going on a vacation, I'm going HOME. It is sort of like I can't accept the fact that I don't know when or if I'm coming back. I love my family and I am so excited to see them and embrace the Christmas season, but Rising Star has sort of become my home. The love and the spirit that I feel here, has pulled me in and has taken a large part of my heart. When the wise Rebecca left, she said that there was "a hole the shape of India in my heart", and you know what? I can already feel that hole forming.
The truth is that I'm scared. I'm scared of the material world America is. I'm scared of the spoiled life I've had. And I'm scared of all the changes that occurred there while I was here. I've grown a lot, I've learned that I have a lot more to grow, and I've begun a new chapter in my life. Excitement just hasn't set in yet, I still have those pre-performance jitters. Being here, time has been put on hold, because I've completely engaged myself in the lives of the people. I've given all of my heart to helping them and giving my sympathy to them. So many of your thoughts go to how you can better their lives or how you can make the program better- you want the very best for every kid. And, now time is about to slam me back down and put me back in reality and I'm scared.

All of this hit me the other night as I was sitting, listening to Children's Prayer. They closed the meeting with 'God Be With You 'til We Meet Again' and tears poured out my smiling face. I sat, surrounded by beautiful girls who will all turn out to be such amazing woman, and all I could feel was their love. The girls all turned around and just stared at me, some grabbed my hands tighter and others laid their heads on my shoulders, but all just stared at me crying. Here, they say, "Don't cry. Don't feel." I guess they don't really know what other words to describe it. But, I wanted to cry. I needed to cry. I was... HAPPY. I understood at least a little glimpse of what love is, and now I never want to let that go.

I've learned so much here at Rising Star.
I've learned that it is okay that I'm not the brightest. I come from a family of smart people, and I don't really fit in that category. I always felt pretty inferior to my older siblings and wanted to be able to compete with them. I didn't like to accept the fact that I could learn from the people around me. But, coming here, I now know that you can learn from everyone. Whether it is learning strength from little Amirtham who is in 2nd standard or learning patience from Vadevu.
I've learned how to accept that things are always changing. If there is one thing that is super important to know before a trip to India, it is the fact that everything is relevant. Nothing is official and everything is bound to change. Everyone goes with their own pace, no one rushes and everyone enjoys the journey. For example, when it rains, everything shuts down. It is as if everyone says, "Oh well, rain. Let's just wait for it to pass." I've learned that I need to be flexible and be okay with other's decisions. I can only decide for myself, I can't let others' decisions and opinions affect me emotionally. My mom always talks about how no one makes you angry, you decide to be angry. Well, that thought is SO India.

I've learned that I'm not only good at one thing, that I can be more than I ever thought. I learned that I would love to be elementary school teacher and that I love to teach kids. And, maybe, just maybe, I might actually be good at it. Forever, I thought that I had to be a dancer. If I wasn't, it would be a waste of so many years, and beside that, what else was I good at? But, now I know that I can do anything I want to. I learned that one from the kids. I tell them all everyday that they can be anything they want to be. They can be as big as the sky or as small as an ant. They can be anything if they set their mind to it. But I guess I hadn't been taking my own advice. I, too, can be anything I want to be. I just need to figure out what that is...
I could go on and on, but I guess the over all message of this blog post, is that I am so grateful for the experiences I've had while being here at Rising Star. I'm one lucky girl. I'm so grateful for all of the people, for all of the culture, and for all of the support. Like I said earlier, these kids have become a home for me. I will truly miss Rising Star.

God be with you till we meet again,

By his counsels guide, uphold you,

with his sheep securely fold you;

God be with you till we meet again.