Goodbye

I never thought that I could do it. I never thought that I would be able to fly to the other side of the world, my first time ever leaving America, all by myself, and be able to teach these kids. I never thought that I could actually enjoy my work this much, and I never thought that I would be able to love as much as I love the kids of Rising Star. You know, service really is the key. There is only one way to fully love something or someone, and that one way is to serve them.

Leaving Rising Star is so much harder than I ever expected. For the past week or so, I have had the nervous excitement that a vacation usually brings. BUT, I'm not going on a vacation, I'm going HOME. It is sort of like I can't accept the fact that I don't know when or if I'm coming back. I love my family and I am so excited to see them and embrace the Christmas season, but Rising Star has sort of become my home. The love and the spirit that I feel here, has pulled me in and has taken a large part of my heart. When the wise Rebecca left, she said that there was "a hole the shape of India in my heart", and you know what? I can already feel that hole forming.
The truth is that I'm scared. I'm scared of the material world America is. I'm scared of the spoiled life I've had. And I'm scared of all the changes that occurred there while I was here. I've grown a lot, I've learned that I have a lot more to grow, and I've begun a new chapter in my life. Excitement just hasn't set in yet, I still have those pre-performance jitters. Being here, time has been put on hold, because I've completely engaged myself in the lives of the people. I've given all of my heart to helping them and giving my sympathy to them. So many of your thoughts go to how you can better their lives or how you can make the program better- you want the very best for every kid. And, now time is about to slam me back down and put me back in reality and I'm scared.

All of this hit me the other night as I was sitting, listening to Children's Prayer. They closed the meeting with 'God Be With You 'til We Meet Again' and tears poured out my smiling face. I sat, surrounded by beautiful girls who will all turn out to be such amazing woman, and all I could feel was their love. The girls all turned around and just stared at me, some grabbed my hands tighter and others laid their heads on my shoulders, but all just stared at me crying. Here, they say, "Don't cry. Don't feel." I guess they don't really know what other words to describe it. But, I wanted to cry. I needed to cry. I was... HAPPY. I understood at least a little glimpse of what love is, and now I never want to let that go.

I've learned so much here at Rising Star.
I've learned that it is okay that I'm not the brightest. I come from a family of smart people, and I don't really fit in that category. I always felt pretty inferior to my older siblings and wanted to be able to compete with them. I didn't like to accept the fact that I could learn from the people around me. But, coming here, I now know that you can learn from everyone. Whether it is learning strength from little Amirtham who is in 2nd standard or learning patience from Vadevu.
I've learned how to accept that things are always changing. If there is one thing that is super important to know before a trip to India, it is the fact that everything is relevant. Nothing is official and everything is bound to change. Everyone goes with their own pace, no one rushes and everyone enjoys the journey. For example, when it rains, everything shuts down. It is as if everyone says, "Oh well, rain. Let's just wait for it to pass." I've learned that I need to be flexible and be okay with other's decisions. I can only decide for myself, I can't let others' decisions and opinions affect me emotionally. My mom always talks about how no one makes you angry, you decide to be angry. Well, that thought is SO India.

I've learned that I'm not only good at one thing, that I can be more than I ever thought. I learned that I would love to be elementary school teacher and that I love to teach kids. And, maybe, just maybe, I might actually be good at it. Forever, I thought that I had to be a dancer. If I wasn't, it would be a waste of so many years, and beside that, what else was I good at? But, now I know that I can do anything I want to. I learned that one from the kids. I tell them all everyday that they can be anything they want to be. They can be as big as the sky or as small as an ant. They can be anything if they set their mind to it. But I guess I hadn't been taking my own advice. I, too, can be anything I want to be. I just need to figure out what that is...
I could go on and on, but I guess the over all message of this blog post, is that I am so grateful for the experiences I've had while being here at Rising Star. I'm one lucky girl. I'm so grateful for all of the people, for all of the culture, and for all of the support. Like I said earlier, these kids have become a home for me. I will truly miss Rising Star.

God be with you till we meet again,

By his counsels guide, uphold you,

with his sheep securely fold you;

God be with you till we meet again. 

Party 'til the End

Last night, I got 'henna'ed out by Vinodhini and Venilla put a little more in my hair. Kenady and I were so covered in the mud that we had to walk like we had 10 layers of pants on. We didn't want to sleep in it, so instead we decided to stay up as late as we could, and then wash it out. This probably wasn't the best move, because we were going to visit the bird sanctuary with all of the beautiful housemothers early in the morning and then go to Fathima's marriage. And that means a sari. But, sometimes tired loopy is the funnest way to be, and that made our day pretty darn fantastic. The bird sanctuary was beyond beautiful, and the group we had was a whole bunch of fun. It was great to dress up and take pictures, joke and make fun of each other, skip rocks, and eat good food. 

And then we dropped off some of the housemothers, said some goodbyes and headed to the marriage. Fathima used to be the third standard teacher, but had to leave for marital reasons. I only met her once or twice before she left, which I'm bummed about, because talking to her today, I could tell she had such an amazing spirit. Fathima is Muslim, and therefore had a Muslim marriage. Dr. Susan warned us ahead of time that going to Muslim wedding was a treat, not even Venilla had ever been to one before. It was completely different than Anbu's Hindu wedding or the wedding celebration we saw in Delhi. Anyway, before today, Fathima has never seen her husband. 

Men and women are separated in this long hall by cloths strung together. Being a woman, I only know what happened on the women side, but I'm sure it is about the same. The bride came into the room and sat on the floor, head covered, and was immediately surrounded by sisters. Her sisters were sitting behind her and the bridegroom's sisters were sitting in a circle around her. Her mother was not allowed to help or to touch her or to be very close to her at all. 

After today, she has changed families altogether. The whole ceremony was giving her to a new family. It was all really random and hectic, and no one really knew what was going on. Then, a few men dressed in white, probably Maulanas, randomly came in, had her sign a piece of paper and then walked out. This was the marriage. Then, from the men's side of the room, we listened to them recite from the Quaran, and being so tired, I was kind of falling asleep. 

Then, the men came back in and presented the new sisters with the black chain- which symbolizes the finalization of the marriage. Each of the woman took turns putting it around their neck before they put it on hers. From what Vadivu was explaining to me, they do that as if to send all of their good blessings to her. After putting the chain on her, they poured Fanta into a cup and then water into another cup. They practically forced this down and she had to drink 3 glasses of each. Then, the sister who was in charge of it all, took a tray that had large chunks of sugar and eclairs (these Indian candies that I love) and started dumping handfuls of it on her hand. THEN, she started to chuck it at all the woman in the hall. Venilla definitely got pelted. It was so random. 

Even though we were like 2 feet from the bride, we could hardly see anything. I am happy that her mother pulled me up so I could see some more of the ceremony. We walked out of the hall and stopped to see her for a bit, tears poured down her face. This is the scary thing, marrying someone out of duty rather than love. After everything ended, the bride and groom got to see each other for the first time. I hope the best for Fathima, a woman like her deserves happiness. It was a great day with people I love- and an amazing way to end my trip here. In India, the fun never stops. 

Grand Finale

Well, I did it. It's done and over. Man, am I proud. Today, all of the parents came to Rising Star to pick up their children for holiday break. We held a program for them, in which, Padma came and talked, the choir sang, and ALL of the standards performed a class dance. It was quite the event. I've had some experience putting assemblies together, not a lot, but some. And comparing today to past experiences, I am so grateful for the support that is given by Rising Star. It ran so smoothly and turned out better than I expected. Every teacher was here and asking what they could do for me, the tech guy, Anbu, did everything he could to make the music sound good, and I could not have done it with out Johnson. Johnson is the P.T. sir and he has more respect than anyone else in this school. He could gain control of a space a mile long. Today, just proved again how amazing the staff of Rising Star is.
I have a handfull of videos to share. These kids are just incredibly precious.
Of course, you have UKG performing Good Morning. Bless their hearts. All of the parents, who are usually not paying attention, were standing on chairs to see them. 

And the choir, run by the wonderful Nana Gates, sang amazing primary songs. Including none other than Popcorn Popping on the Mango Tree. But their singing Indians had to be the best.

My personal favorite was 4th standard, dancing to I Wanna Be Like You from Disney's Jungle Book. We watched the movie, this scene in particular, during their class party. They all performed with great enthusiasm, and it couldn't have been done with out Monica. The rest of the class just followed her lead.

Then... as for Life Dance, Diana and I put our brains together and choreographed two pieces. First, Get Ready, featuring Life Dance II.

And... Stand By Me, by Ben E. King. We tried to really focus on partner work, and working together as a team. They are a team and they have become a family. But, they haven't really understood how their love for each other can be shown in their movement. We are both really proud of how both of these dances turned out. Even in a rush. I can't wait to see them once they've been in their bodies a little longer.

Saying goodbye at the end was the hardest part. I didn't start crying until I saw Deepen's face and we just hugged. Then, it was like a whirlwind of goodbyes. Sanjay pulled me over to eat with his family. I passed out last minute goodbye gifts. I laughed and talked with all the amazing staff. I imagine that this was the hard way to say goodbye. I might just imagine that because I don't want to admit that I'm a sob, but... We stood by the gate as each new group of kids got in the van with their parents. Waved goodbye, and that was it. Yet, I'm so happy. I'm so proud. And I feel so much love. 

Dance

It's amazing how these kids inspire me. Tonight, we had the Goodbye Life Dance party. With just reading the title of this party, one knows how emotional this must have been. It actually turned out to be beyond incredible, and the kids walked away saying it was the best party they had ever had. Instead of the regular dinner and a movie that the kids all love, I decided that just like every other volunteer session, I want a going away performance. Nothing formal and I wasn't going to run music or anything. It was all on Life Dance to make this happen. I wasn't expecting much, but it turned into a creative competition. 

About a week ago, Deepen and Ashok came knocking on our door asking if I would download them a song and let them have the music to practice. Deepen had really thought this out. He wanted to cut songs and put two together, he already had moves in his head. They originally wanted me to help them choreograph a number for them to do together, but being really busy, I encouraged them to go for it themselves. I am so happy that I didn't help them. It gave them the chance to explode in creation- and let me tell you, explode they did. This one project turned into about 5 different dances with all different members of Life Dance. A boys dance, a girls dance, Thriller, a circus number, and Kick Buttowski. I have never seen these kids dance so hard in my life. Every single one of them was ON tonight.

We started off the night with a dinner of PB&Js, soda, and candy, music playing in the background. Then, things had to get a little more serious. After the holiday break, our President has to resign in order to fully focus herself on her studies. In India, 10th standard is the year that you take the exam that determines whether or not you go on in school. It is really important. Because of that, we held an election for a new presidency. I think this is the first time the kids got to nominate and elect their leaders. It was super interesting to see what choices they made, but in the end, both, Diana and I, are incredibly happy with the turn out. We gave thanks to the old, and welcomed the new.

Next, we had them perform the latest dances learned, Get Ready and Stand By Me. Both were choreographed by Diana and I. We basically threw these pieces together and the kids learned them SO quickly. I am so proud of how they have taken it on. This is the first chance that they have really taken on a style and partner working, and they look really good. At first, they were nervous with the "hard steps", but I think they surprised themselves with how good they have become. Then, the true party began...

When Ashok and Deepen walked out with paint on their face and a homemade mask and bat, turned out the lights, flicked on a flashlight, and I heard the subtle beginning of Michaels Jackson's Thriller, I just about died. India is definitely not known for their wild imaginations and I love that I got to take part in teaching these kids art. I mean, look at these boys!

They used a flashlight for lighting design and even threw in a little audience reaction by coming up to our faces and trying to scare us. It worked. By this time, the audience was full. Sharmila (best friend) and Vadevu had joined us at the beginning, and as the excitement escalated, all of the study hall kids came to cheer them on. It is unbelievable how supportive everyone at this school is. The kids were cheering each other on, encouraging others to dance, and overall happy for the accomplishments the others had made.


The volunteers even decided to do a dance number for the kids too. We surprised them when we all joined in unison and then pulled them in to join us at the end. I even got to waltz with both Deepen and Rajesh (who is not in Life Dance, but who had joined us and danced his heart out). 

And here is one more video. I love this because you rarely see Deepen just dancing it out. He is super lanky and shy, but here, you see his ideas flowing and he is actually dancing hard. These past few weeks, he has showed me so many more sides of him. I feel so lucky to have gotten to know him and all of these kids.

Kenady wrote an amazing post about this night with great details. Please read here. 
As the party came winding to an end, everyone got a little mushy and sad. I sat in long embracing hugs and whispered 'I love you's in ears. Little Savitha hugged me tight and tears soaked my shirt. They haven't had a dance master stay as long as I have in a while, other than Shaun Parry. I feel like I'm just barely starting with these kids. Like, if I stayed longer, I could really get somewhere with them. They have grown so much and I can see their potential getting bigger everyday. All of them will do great things, I hope someday I'll get to come back and see what they have become.

Lasts

A week full of lasts. Last few times to watch morning assembly. Last times to sit and chat with the chai ladies. Last times for each meal. Each Wednesday, the kids wear their sports uniform, which is white pants with a shirt of all different colors. I always feel so happy when I am surrounded by all these colors. For a long time now, I knew that I wanted a picture with the whole student body in their sports uniforms. So, I grabbed Diana and we asked Celina to make it possible.

My last time of going to medical was actually more emotional than I thought it would be. With new volunteers being here, I got the chance to just walk around talking to the people. I got to observe all the magic that was happening and I found myself welling up in tears a few times as I saw the pain and the accomplishments. The first woman I ever met in a colony was Mariraj, at Bethel Nagar. And the last person I talked to as we were saying goodbye happened to be Mariraj. I came full circle. I just can't believe the generosity and openness of these leprosy-afflicted patients. They are truly inspiring. I have to give thanks to the medical team as well. They have all taught me so much and been so patient with me as I experienced all the new. They have grown to be true friends and I know that I will keep them in my prayers and will miss them dearly. 

This week was my last week of teaching these beautiful kids. These past four months have been amazing. Each class is either rewarding or makes you want to pull your hair out. But these kids never stop touching your heart. I'll never forget Sugundaralakshmi's face as we be 'as big as we can be' and then 'as small as we can be'. I decided I wanted to leave them in a fun way, and to thank them for being so great and cooperative as we got ready for the performance coming up, I threw them all a class party. Complete with treats and a movie. We ran their dances, took a picture and then surrounded the computer.

Coming here, I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy teaching kids, or if I was going to be good at it, at all. I've found out that I LOVE teaching kids. I LOVE playing with them and being a complete goofball. I love being so big that I make them laugh and I love tickling them into a hug. It has been so much fun to google creative classroom ideas and learn new games to teach them. Meeting Kenady put the idea into my head that I would actually really LOVE to be an elementary school teacher. I love teaching the kids how to count by clapping and turning our laps into drums. I love singing 'If You're Happy and You Know It' and acting like a 'choo-choo train' while disturbing the rest of the school as they come and look how cute these kids are. Singing the ABCs and nursery rhymes is actually fun! 

And now there isn't much time for slowing down, the program is on Saturday! They are all going to do amazing!

Wordless Wednesday

Secret Santa

About a week ago, Kenady and I went into a funk. I was stuck between getting ready to come home and trying to be 100% at Rising Star. We did not like this situation at all, so to bump ourselves out of the funk, we decided to bring Christmas spirit to Rising Star. We made glittered snowflakes out of popsicle sticks and gave them to all the teachers and staff. We told them they were "Christmas Stars, because you are a star!" This, then, rebounded into Christmas spirit everywhere. We were all dying our hair with henna one night in Venilla's room, when her boys decided they wanted to have a Secret Santa!

Stoked on this idea, we immediately drew names and made some rules. It would be the next night and it had to be handmade. Handmade gifts are the best kind of gifts anyway! It worked out perfectly, too, because all of us got one of the boys, and all of the boys got one of us. The volunteers strategically told each other whose name we got and cooked up some plans for what to make them. We knew that the boys were probably doing the same thing.

The next night, we all put the gifts on Venilla's bed and then found our own gift. They had each written us an incredibly cute card with great pictures. We gave them each bracelets and that idea then went through the whole house and now all her boys want them. This is me and Anbarasu, he drew my name. Don't you love his smile?